I had planned to visit the church of a friend today. I got in my car and drove up to the parking lot. It was a very large church. It was also raining pretty hard. I feel really bad about leaving without making the attempt to park (the lot was full), but I wasn't about to park in the boonies and walk in soaked to the bone. I'll have to call her up later and apologize within an inch of my life.

Instead, I continued on in my car and drove to the Panara on Saddle Creek and got something to sip. I had been listening to The Great Gatsby and proceeded to drive around Omaha, Ralston, La Vista, Papillion, and Bellevue until I was done with the "book". I took a few of my favorite drives (and Dodge & Douglas about two or three times each). I couldn't go home. I was too engrossed. I didn't really see a thing aside from the car in front of me, red lights, and my windshield wipers.

To Suzie: Skip over this paragraph if you haven't finished the book yet, I'm gonna talk about it.

I've decided that if Nick Carroway were actually someone I knew, I'd be terribly smitten with him. He'd be a bit of a coward in my eyes, but I don't think it would matter much to me since the book never talked about him regretting never having spoken up. I've already made F. Scott Fitzgerald my computer background because I'm so infatuated. And that poor, poor Gatsby...dear Lord I don't know why I let books affect me so much.

I just got my Billie Holliday cd back from my sister via Trevor. How wonderful. I will admit, there are a few songs that I don't care much one way or the other about, but the ones that I care much for, are GREAT. I'd actually only had a chance to listen to it once before Kristin snatched it up. It was a present from a few Christmases back from a friend that I don't think reads this blog. Kristin's had the cd for over a year and a half now and it's about time that I get to listen to it again. It's so lovely.

It's a green day. The rain, the music, the book, everything has added up to one of those days that only comes up during the early spring when the world is coming back to life. These are the kind of days that make the rest of the year bareable, the kind of days that reminds me that God did put some sort of balance and harmony into everything. I'll be content if this day makes a long pause before ending.

(Disclaimer: Not Logan's actual cake.)

It's Logan's birthday today, he's 1 year old. How exciting. I bought him a baby cellphone and an Elvis card. I cleaned the bathroom for the party tonight and have taken several Alive to relieve my knee pain. It's not severe, it's just that mom woke me up after only five or six hours of sleep and didn't give my body time to recover. I advised her in a polite manner that this will not be happening now that I'm home every Saturday, and if she keeps it up, I may have to give her the smackdown. Then she laughed at me.

I start my Charleston class today and I'm so excited. I hope everything goes as planned...you never know what'll happen on a rainy day.

I can't seem to get away from the All-American Rejects song "Move Along." It's everywhere I go...so, today I enjoyed it.

Well, I finally gave up on reading The Great Gatsby. I have no time. I bought the audio book instead, so I've been listening to that on the way to work and around town when I drive. The guy on the audio book sounds like he's talking with water in his cheeks. It took me three chapters to finally be able to ignore that. I'm really liking it so far. I'm also thinking that I missed out on my calling in life. How cool would it be to be the voice on an audio book? Almost as cool as being the operator who gets to tell people when numbers are disconnected or whatnot on regular landlines. Sad.

I love dancing. I could talk about it all day. I'm playing back random cds from my collection and just going stupid. I'm doing laundry, so I'm in my pjs and typing during the slow songs, so if this is a bit disjointed, just know I'm having fun. Dancing to hip hop is hilarious when I'm involved. Let me tell you. You'll all likely never see it, but just know, it deserves a chortle and a snort. I can hear my neighbors mowing their lawn. If they've noticed me, they probably think I'm nuts.

Tomorrow is take the bills to the post office day. I just want to say, as cheesy as it feels because I've said it a million times before, I know God's in this. In me owning this house. I've been out of work two weeks and don't get another paycheck for another week or so, and everything bill I have is paid for. I told Him from the beginning that I knew I couldn't do it on my own and He's done nothing but provide time after time.

I'm gonna go change loads. Tomorrow's jean day and I like my jeans dry.

New job started today. I walked in with floppy hair and a great sweater and just clammed up. It's okay though. I sat next to two kids named Brian and doodled during a day full of ethics training and 401(k)/medical/dental insurance talk. Lunch was interesting. It is a true departure from my last job. If I ever considered moving up the ladder, this would certianly be the next step. I felt terrible for yawning so much, but it was one of those days where I guess I knew a lot more about the job than I thought I did. I'm sure tomorrow will cut me right down to size though.

I had a talk with my mom tonight. I mentioned that I'm worried about her and how I see that she's depressed and mentioned the possible causes. I had a feeling that her temperature was boiling, but she never blew a gasket and we didn't end up killing one another. I feel fortunate to be alive. I don't tell my mom that kind of thing anymore, but I couldn't hold this in. She's had too many blow-ups in the last couple of months for it to be coincidence. Maybe she caught on. I hope she did. She's beginning to wear on me to the point that I'm getting pissed off that she's not shaping up and shipping out. I really love her. I do.

My body has fully recovered from this weekend. No more need for pain killers.

And now for something completely different, a letter:

Dear *_______*,
Things would be so much easier if you'd just read my mind and comply.

I've been infrequent on the enteries lately. I apologize. It's been a bit intense. What with visiting my grandpa this week and some heavy-duty dancing. I feel like I'm close to death. I start my new job tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited if I...well, actually, I'm too tired to finish that thought. It's time to pass out now.

So I had intended to enjoy my first Saturday off in a year and a half. However, my mother woke up with other plans. It's difficult sometimes, deciding who the queen bee is in the house. I own the house. She's my mother. I'm more or less the breadwinner anymore. She's my mother. I clean my house. She's my mother. At times I have to decide between loyalty and headaches...

Don't get me wrong. I love my mother. It was just annoying. On to other things.

I've been drawing every night before bed. I'd share my doodles with you, but it would mean that I'd have to get out the camera and focus on taking all the pictures in the world so one or two of them would look like the actual doodle. I need a scanner. I have to decide where to place that on my list of priorities.

It's Easter. About now I'd normally get all ooey gooey about Jesus and being thankful and many other things, but today I'm just gonna say:

Bunnies. Bunnies for everyone.

So many things to be excited about right now.

I went in to work this morning and did it. I couldn't justify wasting my time or theirs. I knew I'd do such a poor job they'd likely fire me (yeah, I really didn't want to be there that much), and nobody needs that. I also couldn't justify sitting on the phone being verbally abused when, technically, I didn't have to. So I handed in my badge and my headset. I said my good-byes, and then I had my boss escort me out. I came back home, took a long nap, and was woken up by the smell of breakfast.

After I take my shower, I'm going to do some work in my yard with my father. I'm so excited about it. I had no idea what anything I was cleaning up in the fall was other than the hydranga bushes by the stoop. I now know I have daffodils and forget me nots. I even found a violet in between the stones on my patio. Dad took the left over stones and made a pathway between the patio and the dance floor. Today, we're taking the remainders of the stones and digging a hole for the fire pit.

Tonight starts the mark of my DJ'ing career. Yessssss.

Friday night, midnight, the Dundee Theatre -- Monty Python & The Holy Grail.

This weekend is Easter, my favorite holiday.

Next weekend...well, Thursday and Friday, my mom, my sister, my niece, and myself are going to visit my grandpa. I love that guy. When we get home Saturday morning, the rest of the weekend will be spent at the Kim & David workshop! Iiiiieeeee!

I start a Charleston 2 class any day now. I can't even begin to tell you how much I loooooooooooooooooove Charleston. People tell me it's so boring, but I don't know. There's just too much possiblity for Charleston that I don't buy it. Also, the music for it is just more kickass.

I don't have to go to work tomorrow...nananananah!

There are few things I love more in the world more than new paper. I bought a sketchbook this weekend and have already started plastering it with doodles. I have a hard time getting serious about art anymore, but I can doodle till the cows come home. It's nothing impressive, but it's a start. I always spend my time thinking that maybe I'll move on to something bigger if I start out with the doodles. Maybe they'll become something better, something more, something worthy of snapping me into action.

I don't know what it is about all that. I'm not the starving artist type, so maybe that's why I'm so unmotivated to fill an entire canvas unless it's abstract. Maybe that's why I'm more inclined to play around with my ballpoint pen than to get out the markers or the brushes or even the colored pencils.

Then again, my life does tend to move in three month winds, so maybe it'll be a while longer before I'm motivated to do anything impressive again.

PS. Bought a lottery ticket with my own money for the first time. Maybe that's good luck.

PPS. Monty Python & The Holy Grail on Friday night @ midnight - be there or be square!

The days go on, the lights go off and on...

I don't remember if it was Acapella or Go Fish who sang that "Good News" song, but it really doesn't matter because I have good news...

I got the job, I did! Boy howdy. I am so excited I could do a jig. I've been in good spirits all weekend. I had to play a couple hours of phone tag with my recruiter, but I am so thrilled because I got to walk into human resources on Friday and give my two weeks notice.

I went through my file cabinet at work today and seperated everything I wanted to keep verses everything I could throw out verses everything that could be recycled. I tell you, I had a stack of crap two inches thick that went into that recycle bin at work. Good night -- that's a lot of tree. I kept my scratch books though. I probably have a lot of valuable information in there, but most of those books haven't been used in months so I wouldn't remember a thing. There were just too many good doodles in it for me to give it all up. Maybe I'll go scan a few. Goodness knows how many there are total.

I took a two hour nap today after work. I am a heavy sleeper when I dance all night and wake up to be at work at 6 the next morning. I woke up from my nap to find that I had been straight droolin like a fool. I do not drool, so let me tell you, I know I needed sleep. I'll probably have no problem passing out tonight, either.

And nothing really matters when you're gone...

Heather left town today. We said our good-byes last night and it was sad to see her desk all cleaned off at work. She's a damn great friend. I can't wait to visit her in New Hampshire for her wedding. Awww.

If you think you feel nothing at all...

Girls should not keep lists of guys they like. It's a pain in the ass to have to keep switching around the first two on the list. It also feels unfair to have it in your mind to prefer one more than the other because you get paranoid that you're not giving anyone enough of a chance and you're also expecting too much.

I've been working hard on the guy thing...trying not to be the one to make the first move. I really like this one. It's hard...and sometimes it sucks, but sometimes it's overly satisfying. Like last night for instance, when he asked me to dance instead of the other way around like it always is.

On the other hand, I've taken a completely different approach with the other one that says, "If at first you don't succeed...try, try again." I have no idea how that's working except for the fact that he seems to be a little more attentive and he doesn't seem to see through me any more.

Bah.

So, it took four hours, but I've cleaned my room, top to bottom. I've dusted, swept, mopped, organized, fabreezed, and danced my way to something I could be proud of. Even this morning I am looking at my room like it magically cleaned itself. How wonderful!

I bought the Vintage Vaults American Songbook from *ahem* Sam's. One of the best musical buys I've ever made. I swear. Even if it were just for four songs, it's totally worth it. Oh Lordy. New songs I'm addicted to:

"S'posin" - Frank Sinatra: I am not Frank's biggest fan. I can always hear the ego in his voice. And he is an egomaniac, I swear. This one's forgivable though. If you can find a copy, I'm sure you can stick it on repeat and not flinch it's so good.

"You Make Me Feel So Young" - Rosemary Clooney: Kills this one. She kicked this song's ass my friends. I looked for a copy on iTunes and the version they have on there is from quite a few years after this version where she's probably in her latter forties, but it's forgivable because she still kills it. My favorite version of this one, by far.

"I Love You, Porgy" - Nina Simone: This is a bone-crushing, heart breaking song. It is certianly not for dancing, but whew.

"Over The Rainbow" - Larry Clinton featuring Bea Wain: I've heard many great versions of this song. My favorite still being Isreal Kamakawiwo'ole, but dear God in heaven this version is just lovely. I couldn't find it on iTunes, I apologize. Maybe it's hiding somewhere else, but yeah...

I've also been working on an art project that I should have sent out Saturday. I'm so fired, I know. It's just a block. I really need to write that person and say I'll have it out by this Saturday. I'm not flaking, really, it's just that I'm so bad at using all the space on a canvas, I really am. That's why most of what I've done has been 1-D or abstract. I'm such a squirrel.

My room looks soooooo good. Yay!