one classy broad
The Power Of The Resolute...
So, I've decided some firm changes need to be made in my life. Not just for the next year but for the rest of my life (if implemented right). The first has to do with my obsession for spending. I am in no way thrifty...I only hit sales on accident for the most part...and this has become such a part of my life lately that I've begun to see it as a branch of my gluttony. I don't look at the reprocussions of my actions until I've already acted. I don't think about the consequences until they've shot me in the arse. I just go, almost blindly...walking straight into another problem, fiscal usually.

The second thing is to stop talking about marriage. I know that sounds like a wall to toss, being everything a girl (okay, I'll settle for most girls) dreams about from day one, but honestly, I don't see it as part of God's plan for my life. I've never been in a relationship that went farther than talk (only exception perhaps being Nick, and I was more a mentor at any time in that relationship than I was someone he was "relating with"), and I find myself although being completely boy crazy, knowing I'm not meant for marriage. This is a cold slap in the face who spent several years of her youth reading romance novels and spends many of her beginning adult years around married people. All my friends (exception being the ones who are dating) right now are married. How the hell do I explain that I don't think God has it in the cards for me not to get married?

My friends tell me I deserve to get married. If anyone deserves it, I do. one deserves marriage, save for God. Marriage is such an honor and even though it's damn hard work, a blessing for those who have it. A partner is a gift from God. I just don't see that as a gift God wants to impart to me. And how do I tell them this is not an utterly hopeless situation ("You'll get married Becki, when you're not looking for it, it'll find you"..."Now that you don't want it, you know it's coming, right?"), but an affirming, permenant one?

I finally told my mom this. Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "But I don't want you to be alone." Truth be told, I don't want to be either, but I know God has other plans for me in that area. I mean, I still have no doubt whatsoever that I will one day have a family...I just don't believe it will be a family I will have with a spouse. As a matter of fact, and by God's grace, I will not do what my aunt Crystal did. I will not go out and sleep with a man to get pregnant and have a child...and although I love my aunt Crystal and adore Ellie Mae, I will not do that to a child. I will adopt. By God's grace, he's preparing a child somewhere for me, I know it. This is me preparing for her.

For now those two will have to do. I know there are other parts of me that need to be shaped into something different, something better, but this is not their time. Hell, if I make it with these two, that will be an accomplishment.
Her Name Is Winnie (Short For Some German Variation Of The Word "Christmas")...

She's a miniature dauchund, she's dappled, and she's SOOOOOO cute!

Have a merry Christmas, y'all.
Adding Content To The Souls Of Everyone...
I've just added Craftster to my site, because it kicks my butt. I am now, and will forever be, a glass etcher, thanks to that site.
Easily Distracted By Eyes She Sees Peering Into Her Own...
Reading David Sedaris has rekindled in me another strange desire to write an essay. I don't like writing essays. I don't particularly think I have anything to say or document in my life that could possibly require me or allow me even to record in such a way. I have opinions, but not well developed ones that are interesting enough for people to read about...which makes me wonder what on earth I would write about. Bah.

I have this horrible habit of developing nuisance crushes on people who I hardly remember when I'm not around them.

I am also an insane procrastinator who needs to go shopping for a party I'm supposed to have on Tuesday.
From Day To Day She Goes Insane Walking Around In My Head...
I'm playing hookey today to go Christmas shopping with my mom and sister and our friend Kate tonight. It's my last day off of the year, and I'm okay with that. I've got Christmas fever and am fully ready to do what it takes to combat that once I go back to work tomorrow. I think I may even try working overtime after that.

Other than that, I'm exstatic! I get to hang with my girlz tonight and spend money (which is always a favorite pastime). I need to buy Trevor and Leah Mae a present then I will be done. Also, I need to buy myself a new pair of jeans. I was pulling on a pair of mine Friday when the belt loop ripped clean up and took some of the actual JEANS with it. *YARR!*

So...Yes! It's Christmastime!
For A Week Or Two Or Three...
My desk came in today. It's beautiful and it *just* fits.

I went driving tonight and voice recorded some stuff that I just needed to hear regarding my movie. It'll be good reminder stuff.

The passion's coming back. Gah...that feels good.