The truth is that I've never worked at a job longer than a year and a half. I always take that step up before hitting the 2 year mark. So, I'd imagine it's natural for me to feel itchy about wanting to change my job...BUT I WANT TO SO BAAAAAD. The sad thing is that I'm a woman with no plan and enough debt. I need a job that'd pay me upwards of $10 an hour and let me work 9-5ish, Monday though Friday and still give me enough liberty to be myself at work. I have no real skills and plan to go to school next April (after I finish my freaking application). Part of me wants to say screw it all, get a loan, and open up the coffee shop I want in my neighborhood...but the half that's working at ADT right now is saying, I need to be patient and wait.

Which me wins?

It's FRIDAY! Well, my Friday...technically it's Monday. Mmmmm...I think I'm gonna sign up for downtime. Then I can come home and just oooze weekend bliss.

Turns out I don't needs a second job. One of my debts has been excused. So now it's just down to the car and the credit card (YAY!) which makes life just a little bit sweeter. Hopefully by the time I start school, I'll just be down to my car payment so all I'll have to make will be $450 a month to make the payment, pay for insurance and gas.

I'm sooooo close!

I have about two and a half weeks until my schedule change, and I'm really excited about it. I'm down to my credit card and my car as far as debt is concerned, and I'll be able to finish paying that off soon enough. Woo-hoo! So instead of finding myself a second job, I thought I might just go ahead and audition for something. I have nine months to wait before school starts, so we'll see what I'm motivated enough to pull off.

I bought a notebook last night. I'd be better to buy and electric one with a keyboard attached. I want to start writing about my life - which altogether isn't that interesting, but maybe it'd help me figure out why I'm so screwed up inside.
 
It's been a bad week for everyone around me...I've become somewhat of a grouch. Only God knows why.

Today decided to wake me up and be Carole day. She's a kid friend of mine who was here about two years ago...or is it three now? She's the Bunnie, Bunnie link; it's to her livejournal. I hope if you've had the chance, you've taken me up on the link and read her. As much as I didn't know how to take her sometimes, I really liked having her around. She was good to me, a real friend. She challenged me to become a better version of myself (that I'll admit, I haven't always kept up on).

She got offered a job at the Sun-Times. I feel proud, even though I don't think I have the place to feel that way anymore. I didn't do anything to spur it on. I'll have no place in whether or not she'll take it. All I can say is that if she wants to take it, she will--if she doesn't, she won't. She's earned another step up, but I don't think a reporter job is what she was ever looking for. I don't even think that's what she wanted while she worked at the Papillion paper.

Sure, she's good at it. I read a few things here and there that would indicate to me that she would be good for the job...but I don't think rooting underground for a carrot when there are 20 other people rooting for the same carrot is for her. Not that she couldn't handle it, she'd kick all the other wabbits' asses collectively and get that carrot. She's just really great at the stuff that keeps people human in stories...not numbers or quotes that turn them into stats or (for lack of a better phrase) sound bites.

Bah...I haven't done her nearly well enough. I'm shotty today.

Ah. Now I'll have to go back to my journal and find myself a page paperclipped in.

The computer is in the parents bedroom now. I don't have a clue why they moved it other than to keep me from using it late at night or in the early morning when I can't sleep and thus I wake them up with the clicking of the keys.

Oi. This should be an experiment in patience.

I don't know what it is anymore that keeps me awake more than going to church where I go to church. That period of my life is almost over. I have three more weeks teaching Sunday school, then I leave Bellevue Christian Center for the rest of my life. I leave it behind completely. I stayed up voluentarily last night until about 4 am doing laundry because I simply could not sleep. I have not announced I am leaving to anyone but my family...which is probably not a good idea. I'm thinking of doing a mass email to update everyone on the current status of my life because only God knows how many people see this thing regularly.

So last night I figured for the next five months, if I pay out $250 a paycheck, I'll be out from under the church completely. I have a debt with them that I'd ask for forgiveness from, but I just don't have enough faith in the leadership. Then December. Then the next three months after that, my credit cards will be paid off. All in enough time for me to start school. I thought about publishing again. I don't know how for the life of me, but I thought about it. I also figured out my BMI after reading an issue of TIME on obesity. I have to lose 80 lbs. At least. Losing 110 would put me at a normal BMI. I'll experiment. We'll see how that goes. It may have just been an insomniac's momentous incarnation.

So, I'm also up two hours early. That's why I'm here, writing this, at 7:13 am. I ache in every place imaginable. I'm going to clean up and get breakfast.

1 down 2 to go...

Bad day. That's all.