So, I find myself continually at odds with "the lonlies." I have this place that I seem to come back to every time I get depressed, and typically it has something to do with the fact that I'm not really satisfied when it comes to relationships. It's a terrible but very familiar and comfortable place to find myself. Yet again, I am there.
This is in no way a plea for attention, but I've recognized that I'm at a place where I don't like myself to be. That faroff look in my eyes lately is likely to have something to do with me being tired, yes, but moreso because I'm depressed - and when I'm depressed, I'm easily sleepy, even after a full night of sleep, because my brain doesn't really shut down long enough to feel refreshed.
I'm sure parts of it are spurred on by the fact that my mother won't let it go and doesn't stop holding it over my head
that I failed this test. I'm sure parts of it are spurred on by things my grandfather said to me when I went to visit him and mom just started spouting off in front of him. Part of it has to do with the fact that I'm worried about the future, long term and immediate. Nothing like a mix of unemployment and a morgatage, eh?
What I'm saying is that I'm feeling a little vaunerable right now, so if I act a little more guarded than usual, I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep myself from doing anything stupid.