I have this suspicion that life isn't finished throwing me curveballs this season. Why should it be? Even if it be that people have suspicions about me and make snap judgments that, although basically unfounded (because I never really give anyone a good reason to believe anything about me) are somewhat true. Sure, who am I that people would think about me when I'm not really around...meh.

I've been trying to make some decisions on what to do about certian people and situations in my life. Some heavy thinking situations. I'm never really one for moving things forward, hell, half the time I really just talk a big talk. It's all the matter of putting myself out for rejection. I'm not really expecting acceptance because when does life owe me anything, but I'm really frustrated at the thought that I'm always the one holding myself back.

I've had some discussions with Sam and The Other White Becky in regards to casting my pearls lately. Sam went with me to home church Tuesday night and the topic of discussion was on being devoted to one another. Granted, there are several points in my life where this is affective, but one in particular has seemed to invite itself into my head more than others.

It's a common delema. Do I go for what I want? Not care who gets hurt if there's the chance that someone will? Do I put it all out of my head and wait? Do I put it all out of my head and move on again?

Jen (Holly & Sarah's mom) once observed that I fall hard. I do. I think the rub lies in the fact that I'm terribly loyal, too. If it comes down to love or loyalty, I'd rather go with the loyalty, because there's a preset condition of love in that. Right?