I don't talk nearly as much as I used to. I used to have opinions about everything. I used to always have something to say. Some kind of wisdom to impart or something funny to interject into conversation. Not that I don't have opinions anymore...I just never seem to get them out. It's like I forgot how to communicate. Or I've just stopped having meaningful conversation.
I miss the deeper things. Talking about them. Meditating on them. The whole iron sharpening process of opening up. I miss it all and I haven't the slightest on how to regain any of it. Hell, I guess I could settle for gossip. It's fun. It's just not the same. I've become known as "the silent one." My nickname at church is practically "Still Waters" anymore. They can all see that I have something to say on my face, I just never get it out.
People ask me questions anymore and I give them five word answers. I'm beginning to piss myself off. I think it doesn't really help that the people I'm around the most don't really open up either. People at work want to share everything negative and I want nothing to do with that. People I dance with are more gossip buddies than not, and the ones that let me talk don't talk to me nearly enough. Know this isn't a slam, more of an observation.
I guess my secondary love language is suffering a little. Words of affirmation are hard to come by anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm terribly independent. I guess I just need to hear and speak certian things every once in a while. It's sad to think that the quality time isn't really cutting it right now.
I've been having sensations of doing tuck turns all day. Like I'm phantomly dancing. Weird, I know.