I’m threatening bad poetry here. I just want you all to know before I do it. Well actually, I’m not sure I will; I may just go with song lyrics instead. When I was in high school and going through intense creative writing classes and writing all the time, I used to promise myself I wouldn’t write when I hurt or when I was angry. More often than not, it produced pathetic attempts that would have been more thoroughly thought out and more potently expressed with a clear head.

Tonight was by no means a bad night. I had a good time. Right now and the way I feel is a collection of things. I’ve had an epiphany that the hole is still here. I go through long periods of time where I ignore it and occasionally hit nirvana and forget that it exists. I’ve spotted those scars that I keep covered up so well.

I’ve been thinking about all those things that I miss missing. When I was younger, I thought I had it all figured out. I knew who I was going to be, what I was going to be doing, who I was going to be doing it with, when it would all start and how it would all come to fruition. I miss being so sure of myself and my future. I miss the present that my youth promised. I don’t know that it would be any better, but I imagine life would have proved a little less disappointing if I’d achieved even half of those things.

No poetry. Didn’t mean I didn’t write it, it just means I’m saving you all, and as bad as it gets, still, at least I’m inspired.

I know ultimately I’m not alone in this.

I can be the wall when you fall down
Find me on the rocks when you break down
I heard it in the song when you call out…
(lyrics courtesy of Mat Kearney)