Well, I have a weeks-worth of all this crap stored up. I'll try to keep this from getting that long though. I will say that I do feel loved by the people that I know are supposed to love me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm all alone this week and being alone is one of my biggest fears. Too many things have happened this week.

I feel so see-through. It's not like the whole fishbowl analogy. I've lived that before. I know how that feels. I just feel like I'm standing right in front of people, requesting an audience with them, and they don't even see me. I've been given the sham so many times this week I could be a bleeding heart John Mayer song. Bah.

i.e. I went to church this morning (our church is about 30 people, consisting more or less of kids, probably eleven adults in all). My parents had doughnuts this morning, but they're currently in Arizona, so they asked me to take care of it, which would be the logical choice, seeing as they live with me. I get to the church with three bags of groceries in my hands and I look at the doughnut table and it's full. Apparently the pastor's wife has taken care of the issue. She's called my brother-in-law and my sister and not bothered to call me. She actually says to everyone in the room, "I forgot about you." Which, if that isn't bad enough, my brother-in-law and sister didn't think of me. I saw my sister last night. Ungh.

If it's not see-through, it's rejected then. Too many sighs from too many people. I mean, am I missing something? I'm not a desperate person. If I'm terribly annoying, then people haven't thought it enough to blow up on me. Maybe I can appear pretty forward sometimes, but most of it's done in humor.

i.e. Not giving this one out. It's a little embarrasing.

The only person I have any desire to be in the same room with right now is the barista from Moxie Java. So I'm gonna take a walk down there, maybe put everything down on paper. I won't be answering my phone for a while. If Kristin calls you looking for me, I'll turn my phone on later.